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Level 8: #178

Chapter: Comic, Level 8 — Wait… is he seriously doing a baseball episode?
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Discussion (84) ¬

  1. Tab
    July 24, 2019, 11:14 pm | # | Reply

    What do you call a Paladin without a weapon? A monk, apparently.

    7
    • Fortis
      July 24, 2019, 11:47 pm | # | Reply

      Personally, I’d call her ‘Oh god please spare me!’. That’s just me though.

      12
      • Zero
        July 25, 2019, 2:47 am | # | Reply

        You must be evil.

        • AVR
          July 28, 2019, 4:43 am | # | Reply

          Or just angelically challenged

          2
          • Braininthejar
            July 31, 2019, 5:56 am | # | Reply

            Reminds me of a game session urban legend of a paladin who got seduced by a disguised devil – he realised the situation while in bed with her, unarmed, and unarmored, but managed to send her running with some quick thinking – let’s just say that was one smite evil she didn’t expect…

            1
            1
          • The Shadowskald
            May 9, 2024, 1:24 am | # | Reply

            Thank you, AVR, for defining my particular brand of Chaotic Neutral. I’ll have to remember it.

            1
    • Stick
      July 25, 2019, 2:56 am | # | Reply

      Well, “hands” are the original farming implements?

      8
    • Voidbane
      July 25, 2019, 6:58 am | # | Reply

      Pal-a-don’t

      • Bookwyrm
        July 31, 2019, 7:36 am | # | Reply

        More like pal-a-done in this case

    • TBeholder
      July 25, 2019, 4:27 pm | # | Reply

      Monks use weapons too.

      http://arek.paranoya.info/wiz7/creatures/images/munk.gif

    • Mary Catelli
      July 25, 2019, 9:25 pm | # | Reply

      She was armed. Also legged and bodied.

      4
      • William R Pollard
        August 2, 2019, 9:27 pm | # | Reply

        No, it was those three who got bodied

        1
    • DocSavage
      July 27, 2019, 9:21 am | # | Reply

      My first thought was “deadly” but Ma’am works. =)
      I also wondered if she took a few monk levels but who knows. Maybe her gloves are Gauntlets of Ogre Power.

      1
    • Centium
      July 27, 2019, 11:18 am | # | Reply

      Paladin uses “Lay on Hands” it is super effective.

      2
  2. Minimaxer
    July 24, 2019, 11:51 pm | # | Reply

    So, what level is Maddie at this point (approximately), and how high (low) a level would those clones have to be for her to so thoroughly kick their a$$es?

    • mucat
      July 25, 2019, 1:23 am | # | Reply

      Maddie’s level makes no difference — she can’t read her character sheet with her eyes closed.

      8
      • Jack_Simth
        July 25, 2019, 7:27 am | # | Reply

        And here I thought she did that to make it closer to a fair fight….

        • Folmarv
          July 25, 2019, 8:04 pm | # | Reply

          “You can’t see them, they can see you”

        • Mary Catelli
          July 25, 2019, 9:26 pm | # | Reply

          Lots of theories. No answers — which would, of course, cut down on the fun

        • TelMcQ
          August 1, 2019, 6:08 am | # | Reply

          If that was a “fair fight”, I’d hate to see what Maddie could do if she was REALLY serious.

      • Minimaxer
        July 25, 2019, 11:58 am | # | Reply

        Maybe she has “blindfighting +20” 🙂

        1
    • DocSavage
      August 3, 2019, 7:23 am | # | Reply

      I think Derek the Clerid answered that one. Her level is Ma’am.

  3. TheStratovarian
    July 25, 2019, 12:06 am | # | Reply

    A very good and wise answer. The next response might want to be “Please no more.”

  4. Paul
    July 25, 2019, 12:50 am | # | Reply

    I called her still a paladin.

    1
    • Goth Guru
      July 30, 2019, 1:35 am | # | Reply

      I think it’s a prestige class. Guardian of the Mortal Realm.

  5. Chlorruption
    July 25, 2019, 1:05 am | # | Reply

    This long arc is finally paying off.

  6. TB Tabby
    July 25, 2019, 1:34 am | # | Reply

    This is where “Seigi Shikkou” starts playing.

  7. Simon
    July 25, 2019, 1:35 am | # | Reply

    I think you’ve used up your quota of sound effects… this has more wham bam pow than a classic Batman episode.

    • Riley
      July 26, 2019, 4:27 am | # | Reply

      Has wham and bam, needs a “thank you, ma’am”.

      1
      • InvaderCupil
        July 30, 2019, 12:06 pm | # | Reply

        Pretty sure Derek’s face takes care of that part!

  8. CaptXpendable
    July 25, 2019, 1:41 am | # | Reply

    Now we just need to get Dorilys out there. Combining her ability with Maddie’s skills will be epic.

  9. someone
    July 25, 2019, 2:05 am | # | Reply

    Wow, Popeye just beat the syndication out of those Calamiti…

  10. guyveroz
    July 25, 2019, 4:01 am | # | Reply

    How many levels of monk does Maddie have?

  11. DaveM
    July 25, 2019, 4:39 am | # | Reply

    It’s official. Maddie’s mojo has been returned to the upright fully locked position! This makes me very happy.

    • Mary Catelli
      July 25, 2019, 9:28 pm | # | Reply

      YEAH!

  12. The Other Mike
    July 25, 2019, 6:51 am | # | Reply

    I sorta want that “SMITE” panel as a wallpaper.

    • Tab
      July 29, 2019, 4:53 am | # | Reply

      I second that.

    • DStaal
      July 29, 2019, 8:57 am | # | Reply

      I prefer the first ‘WHAM’ panel – she looks so serine… (Maybe change the background color.)

  13. SanityOrMadness
    July 25, 2019, 7:20 am | # | Reply

    Derek seems to be approving of the violence. Remember your vow, man?

    • Jaded Cynic
      July 27, 2019, 4:50 pm | # | Reply

      Derek’s vow is for DEREK to do no harm; nothing was said about ‘allowing others to cause harm…even if just and righteous’ or ‘delighting in the harm others cause’.

      • Mary Catelli
        July 29, 2019, 6:59 pm | # | Reply

        He did object when Dorilys gave the troll that trouble, though she did counter that it was his oath.

  14. Temia Eszteri
    July 25, 2019, 7:40 am | # | Reply

    To listen, to suffer, to entrust unto tomorrow~

    • Temia Eszteri
      July 25, 2019, 7:41 am | # | Reply

      Also damn, more clear than anything Maddie took a couple of levels in monk after that display

  15. SoulHero7
    July 25, 2019, 8:14 am | # | Reply

    What do you call a paladin with no weapon?

    An impowvowser.

  16. Meris
    July 25, 2019, 10:02 am | # | Reply

    Ah, I should have seen this coming, the only recourse in times of disarmament: dat-arm-ament.

  17. Legacy
    July 25, 2019, 10:44 am | # | Reply

    Derek’s blushing! Also, YAY MADDIE!

  18. Brandon
    July 25, 2019, 11:05 am | # | Reply

    I would say “armed and dangerous”. Maddie’s wielding the Fists (and Feet) of Justice, now!

    Does this confirm Maddie to be a more badass fighter than the Princess? Or maybe it’s a case of “unskilled but strong” versus “weak but skilled”? “Weak” being a relative term here, of course. The Princess is without a doubt the more aggressive of the two, but she got beaten by Calamitus’ magic rather easily, while Maddie opened up a can of whoop ass with the grace of a ballerina.

    So, who else hopes that Maddie and Derek eventually get hitched? I think they make a perfect couple.

    • hkmaly
      July 25, 2019, 11:34 am | # | Reply

      Maddie doesn’t necessary need to be stronger – she had the moment of surprise on her side. Well … surprise … more like they underestimated her. They were prepared for Princess.

      • Brandon
        July 26, 2019, 11:13 am | # | Reply

        The Princess might have avoided Calamitus’ spells if she wasn’t all stoneskin at the time. But it’s not the first time her gung-ho fighting style has gotten her in trouble, either. Maddie knows how to dodge and weave. She balances offense and defense with a healthy dose of speed, agility, and precision. So, I’d say her technique was simply superior here.

        Princess fights like a barbarian. Maddie fights like an armored ninja priestess. Except without the armor this time.

    • Mary Catelli
      July 29, 2019, 10:34 pm | # | Reply

      Yes! Maddie and Derek forever!

  19. TGY
    July 25, 2019, 11:10 am | # | Reply

    There’s two kinds of people in this world: people without weapons and people who are smitten. Smoten? Wait, Derek has no weapon and is still smitten. Smoten. Smooten? Whatever.

    • Sensei Le Roof
      July 25, 2019, 1:35 pm | # | Reply

      It’s swinter. Better wear your smittens.

    • dr pepper
      August 1, 2019, 3:05 am | # | Reply

      well she’s certainly smitten with *him*

  20. Oldbutnotdead
    July 25, 2019, 11:19 am | # | Reply

    That’s our girl (woman)! Maddie just opened the Mighty Can of Righteous Whoopass!

  21. dragon_nataku
    July 25, 2019, 1:03 pm | # | Reply

    How Maddie Got Her Groove Back

  22. Sensei Le Roof
    July 25, 2019, 1:36 pm | # | Reply

    A paladin can wield an unholy weapon with no repercussions?

    • Tatsurou
      July 25, 2019, 1:59 pm | # | Reply

      Technically, as a Paladin she has the blessing of her God/Goddess…making her body a holy weapon. So unarmed still counts as wielding a holy weapon.

      • SanityOrMadness
        July 25, 2019, 4:33 pm | # | Reply

        Talking about GRAB-WHIP-THOK-WHAM there, I expect.

    • Jack_Simth
      July 25, 2019, 10:33 pm | # | Reply

      No long-term problems. Just a temporary negative level while it’s wielded. And the targets were sufficiently outclassed that a little -1 didn’t mean much.

  23. AndyW
    July 25, 2019, 2:28 pm | # | Reply

    Woooohooooo!!!

    Go Maddie!

  24. Ty in TX
    July 25, 2019, 2:37 pm | # | Reply

    I’d call her a frigging badass.

    • Enigma
      July 25, 2019, 4:37 pm | # | Reply

      Language.

      😉

  25. LlamaSage
    July 25, 2019, 3:29 pm | # | Reply

    I love this so much. Also, I had too many reactions to each panel to note down, so I made a short list

    #4 Calamitus is so self-loving, he’s literally head over heels for himself. That, or Maddie misunderstood the term “body blow”.

    #5 Ohhhh, so she took the “Holy Strike” feat! *bowling pin noises*

    #9 She’s gonna catch you on the flip-side!

    #10 Sorry Calamitus, Maddies gotta split for now.

    #18 Head’s up Calamitus!

    And finally, after much deliberation, I came up with my own end to Calamitus joke: What do you call a Paladin without weapons? A hands-on approach to parenting.

  26. Maddie Fan
    July 25, 2019, 6:33 pm | # | Reply

    Maddie gave us a true wham-slam-thank-you-ma’am!

  27. Weatherheight
    July 25, 2019, 9:31 pm | # | Reply

    ::slow claps::

  28. Euphonetics
    July 25, 2019, 11:48 pm | # | Reply

    One is smiting: The other is smitten.

    1
    • The Occupant
      July 27, 2019, 2:09 am | # | Reply

      I am too, truthfully. Watching Madeline the Paladin kick all sorts of righteous arse always brings a smile to my face.

  29. Angel
    July 26, 2019, 2:53 am | # | Reply

    I think it’s safe to conclude that Maddy has the Improved Unarmed Strike feat. Even the princess could learn a thing or two here!

  30. Wyvern
    July 26, 2019, 2:57 am | # | Reply

    Aw, Maddy, what’d you have to go and do that for? Now we’ll never get to hear what his punchline was going to be!

  31. DaveM
    July 26, 2019, 12:13 pm | # | Reply

    If the in house (in universe (?)) rules allow the 3.5 “Improvised weapons proficiency” feat (from Dragon magazine if I recall correctly), then a liberal view of what may be considered an improvised weapon, combined with a bit of rules lawyering (distasteful though that may be), would not only explain Maddy’s success on this page, but her entire ability to turn anything into the deadliest weapon you could hope for!

    Alternatively she’s just that good. (I’ll settle for that as well 🙂 )

  32. tremor3258
    July 26, 2019, 3:25 pm | # | Reply

    Boots are a gardening implement, right?

  33. Jaded Cynic
    July 27, 2019, 5:00 pm | # | Reply

    I’m reminded of this:
    (a little NSFW)
    https://me.me/i/have-you-ever-been-so-angry-that-you-hit-a-12ba2e3cd5e44f4f8f7553c06480427b

  34. Matanui3
    July 30, 2019, 11:22 pm | # | Reply

    Wow, that *is* a gratuitous amount of violence!

  35. Bookwyrm
    July 31, 2019, 7:34 am | # | Reply

    A literal “Holy mother of asskicking”

  36. themadpsychologist
    July 31, 2019, 1:46 pm | # | Reply

    I have many questions. I was thinking that maybe Maddie would turn Monk after she and Derek get married in about three days, but d20SRD doesn’t say anything about paladin celibacy. Have I been incorrect? Otherwise, might someone give me a source that confirms it? But wouldn’t Monks have to be single as well? D20SRD says nothing about that, either, but it’s right in the class name. Wait, wouldn’t a female Monk be called a Nun?

    • Composer99
      July 31, 2019, 4:19 pm | # | Reply

      The monk class in D&D is sort of a mash-up of Tibetan monks and Chinese & Japanese martial artists, and has nothing to do with the secluded Christian monks of Europe. Whether or not a paladin or monk might be required to be celibate depends on so many different factors – whether it’s a default expectation of the class, whether it’s common to be celibate among paladins or monks in a given game world, whether any given character belongs to an order of paladins or monks that require celibacy, and so on.

      Since the SRD has very minimal flavour/setting text, it would have almost nothing to say about this or that paladin or monk being celibate or not.

      I would expect that the best default assumption is that celibacy is not required of a paladin or monk character in a D&D game world (or, say, a comic setting loosely based on D&D) unless the text explicitly says so of that character in particular.

      • Weatherheight
        August 2, 2019, 3:06 pm | # | Reply

        Monk sexuality is order dependent. Consult your GM for best results.

      • themadpsychologist
        August 3, 2019, 6:31 pm | # | Reply

        Interesting. So why does everyone think that paladins have to be celibate?

  37. DMC_Run
    July 31, 2019, 1:51 pm | # | Reply

    “What d’ya call a Paladin without a weapon?”
    —
    It’s a trick question, fool.
    There’s NO_SUCH_THING.
    Paladins spend their entire existence surrounded by 2 things: WEAPONS, & their ability to IMPROVISE.
    The nearest possible version of this … hypothetical “Weapon-less Paladin”, is just a Paladin who merely hasn’t picked-up their weapon … YET.

  38. Composer99
    July 31, 2019, 4:12 pm | # | Reply

    Awww yeah, Maddie’s got her mojo back.

  39. Will
    August 1, 2019, 5:43 pm | # | Reply

    Improved Unarmed Strike is one feat in 3E rules. She hardly needs to be a monk. Particularly if the 4E “Extras” rule is being observed for the Calamitus Crew. But my favorite theory is that this is a 5E game, and Maddie got Inspiration from kissing Derek, and every other player in the party is giving their long-held Inspiration to her as soon as she spends one (or possibly she describes her smackdown in such loving detail that the GM keeps giving her inspiration again after every single attack). Thusly, any and all improvised-weapon penalties (which IIRC aren’t actually present in 5E rules to begin with) get more than counteracted by the single most intentionally-OP thing that exists in the rules (except for the Lucky feat, which gives you three of these at a time, instead of letting you earn just one at a time).

  40. evtrax
    January 23, 2020, 10:35 pm | # | Reply

    she has a weapon. you

  41. Thor Clarke
    January 8, 2021, 11:42 pm | # | Reply

    *cue jocat SMITE sound effect*

  42. Thor Clarke
    January 23, 2021, 7:09 pm | # | Reply

    I think they’ll be calling her “ow”

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