Level 13: #4
Chapter: Level 13 — That Old Elvish Spirit
Rusty & Co.
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I hate to see what their equivalent of the DMV would look like.
No wonder they have a rep as eco-friendly.
They *used* to have a Department of Magic Vessels, but necromancers kept animating the skeletons.
Man… Elves in their natural habitat are pretty relaxed aren’t they?
“Relaxed” is not the adjective most of us would use.
From their perspective, the problem is that their habitat stops being natural the moment a non-elf, half-elf, or improper elf enters sensory range.
Alyssa was apparently apprenticed at my healthcare provider’s central scheduling.
The Computer is your Friend, valued clone. Now please fill your 25 request forms in triplicate and deliver to the Requisitions Officer within 30 seconds or you will be terminated for treason.
Ah, yes…fond memories of “Paranoia” from my college years, over 25 years ago…
Identifying the source / significance of this remark has been an unacceptable security risk. This clone has been terminated (please mark off one clone) and your new clone’s security clearance downgraded to the next lower color.
Thank you for assisting the Computer in identifying unacceptable risks! The Computer is your Friend!
Actually, Mimic, here you had leverage. It’s only going to get worse.
When you live as long as elves, what’s the hurry ?
I can hear their motto ringing through the verdant valley now, echoing on the breeze from wall to wall…”I’ll get around to it”
She wasn’t putting them off because she’s long-lived. She was putting things off because she’s racist.
Why not both?
She didn’t put them off. She’s ignoring the appointment they already have, why wouldn’t she just ignore the next one?
Huh, never knew I was Elvish
Ah yes. I am reminded how how elegant and bold Tolkien’s elves often were…
…and how it is a PAIN to actually craft such beings in your work. Not that Tolkien’s always behaved thusly.
Still, I have learned that it is a lot easier to write these (points at comic) style elves. I used to play a lot of tabletop RPGs in high school and early college, and a setting I never got to use went out of its way to try and reach peak asshole elf (elf-holes?). They’d constantly go on and on about nature while obviously twisting and perverting it to suit their own needs. Cutting a tree down to use its wood? Naw, distort the tree magically into the shapes you need!
If that doesn’t sound bad, replace “tree” with “all of nature”.
Eugenics loving Nazi Elves for the win!
I prefer tree-hugging cannibal elves.
Turn it up another bit and make that “zwölf-holes”. >;->
Elegant and bold and the worst brake on technology imaginable. “The Last Ringbearer”, with apologies to Tolkien.
Ugh, the worst NPCs to deal with: bureaucrats. You can’t punch them in the face no matter how big a jerk they are to you since that will make the whole bureaucracy come down on you unless they just got fired. Then it’s open season.
Even if that didn’t happen, can you imagine how it’d go if they tried that? Those beat panels would go on and on, but with the receptionist under the desk.
Okay, I’m lost.
Do these elves have a problem with bards in general, or just this particular bard?
—
My favorite elves have to be the “high” elves from Erfworld. They were really good with plants, you see…
Roxy isn’t a ‘proper’ elf, so she’s being snubbed.
She just needs to find some fellow misfits, like a little brown guy with a prominent red appendage, or a big guy with a name that starts with “C”…oh, wait.
Not sure whether I’m looking forward to them talking with Rue Lily after the cold welcome they’ve been getting, or dreading the possibility that talking with Rue Lily will make us miss the standoffish elves that mostly just ignored them.
Rue Lily just appeared with the “clear my schedule.”
Hmm. She is brunette where the rest of the elves are blond. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
I’m also betting Rue enjoys The Game and needs her record expunged to be able to play at away games…
“No, see, I have a written invitation.”
“Let me just ‘file’ that for you… Oopsie, right in the shredder. So, 32 years, provided no one important takes the slot. Goodbye~”
“… You know what? Sure. That gives me time to work through the next item on my quest list. Let’s see… ‘Commit arson’.”
“Wha-?”
“‘Collect thirteen elven skulls as drinking goblets’.”
“You can’t-”
“‘Crush bureaucrats under my sandals’. That one’s always fun.”
“… RueLilywillseeyounow!”
“Oh, that is lovely. You go have what passes for fun in your parts. However, I shall inform you that elf cities are much safer than any other place. And as such, security is vastly less busy than Major Adjutant-Controllers. As such, and considering I have already called them for thinly-veiled threats by what appears to be somebody planning the murder of Rue Lilly, they should arrive… exactly now. Enjoy your time outside the city.”
Elves (in most settings) go on and on about how long they were around before everyone else and being ‘first’ and therefore better…
You just need to point out how the ‘servants’ are ALWAYS sent in first – to get things ready for the important people. Everyone does it that way – including Elves.
As Red Mage (from 8-bit Theatre) puts it, “If you elves are so great, why is your technology on par with humans even though you had a nine thousand year head start?”
Humans aped them.
Where’s Rusty? Did he wander off?
“Eat arrows?”
Possibly deduced he didn’t want to go into that office.
Got to admit, I did not expect Rue Lily to be an accountant, let alone a military one. I’m sure reuniting with her will be a GAAS.