Critical Missives #70
Chapter: Level 13 — That Old Elvish Spirit
Rusty & Co.
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Q. Are We Not Dwarves? A: We Are Derro!
Exactly. Derro aren’t dwarves. A Dwarf would never pass up the opportunity for a drink*, whereas Derro are much more individualistic about their liquid sustenance. For this reference, Duergar are just grumpy… grumpier Dwarves who have dug deeper and refuse to come back up, Derro dug too deep, found and joined the CIRCUS† and in their insanity manage to coexist with the CLOWNS.
* A ‘drink’ in Dwarven cultural is anything with alcohol in it. Plain water is not a drink. Mooshroom milk is not a drink until it’s fermented properly, etc.
† Yes, a Dwarf Fortress reference.
Ad *: Clarification requested. Do aggregate state or ingestibility matter?
Pralines with alcohol filling?
Paint thinner / desinfectant?
Tiramisu?
That one cucumber you always wanted to eat but that you dumbass kept forgetting because it was in the very back of the fridge and too annoying to dig out at first and then later too as other stuff got piled on top of it so that it has now melted into the grille of the fridge so you cannot get it out again without taking the fridge apart and cleaning it from top to bottom because it also developed a serious case of leaked-over-everything-else-under-it-because-of-course-it-did-and-everybody-told-you-so-in-fact-you-yourself-knew-very-well-beforehand-and-still-waited-too-long-until-the-problem-became-unsolvable-without-disassembly-and-subsequent-desinfection? ** ***
** personal experience may vary.
*** aggregate state unclear. Like, everything at the same time.
Why would you imagine paint thinner and disinfectants are indigestable?
I’d imagine those are, for dwarves, what vodka is like for humans.
As paint thinner and cheap vodka is already basically interchangeable, I’d say yeah, dwarves probably consider paint thinner to be bottom shelf brew.
Haven’t played DF in awhile and totally forgot about the “circus” and the “clowns”. I love how well the reference works here!
I know the bars are drawn so far apart for the sake of not obscuring their faces, but what’s stopping Soft Tail from just slipping through the bars, and Tarta from turning into a snake or other animal small enough to slip through them?
Magic
The cells are anti-magic (level 10 page 51).
Soft tail doesn’t want to leave her beer behind in the cell.
Given that they keep in even skinnier elves, probably magical properties.
The rule of funny. It’s the one rule even Derro won’t break.
You know the lust for gold has become too powerful when you covet the ale too much to drink it.
Soft Tail found a way to make the song 99% more pointless.