Critical Missives #47
Chapter: Comic, Level 9 — Hotel Califormian
Rusty & Co.
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I ssussspect the point is that ham is a cured meat, not raw flessh Tiff :p
Well, the fountain was made of worked stone. Why shouldn’t it turn into cured meat?
What I’m wondering is if types of stone translate to types of meat consistently enough that a geologist could predict what sort of meat a particular stone would produce without actually trying it.
Isn’t that dangerous? Can you imagine accidentally eating people meat because you took things for granite?
Nah, if we’re going that route, cured meat would be made from air-dried clay; brick would turn into cooked meat, heavily hydrated stone would turn into fish and pebbles would turn into some form of eggs :p
deviled eggs
And a garnet-mica schist would become olive-loaf!
I disagree; the spell is after all, ‘Stone to Flesh’, not ‘Inorganic Material to Flesh’. On the other hand, metamorphic rocks such as marble, a favourite for fountains, might well turn into cured meats.
All the more suited since good ham is well-marbled.
If you’re going to take that tack though, the spell is after all, ‘Stone to Flesh’, not ‘Stone to Processed Animal Products’. ???????????
PS: Question marks were supposed to be a shrug emoji, which the comments apparently do not support.
Of course, one would also need to experiment to determine the reverse: what type of stone would different types of meat turn into? If you cast Flesh to Stone on a pig, will it turn into a different type of stone than a human?
Wasn’t YT Yuan-Tisha? Before the WotC legal stupidity, that is. Still, good way to pSyChE past the question.
Tiffany, not Tisha.
Of course it is Yuan-Tiffany. That’s how the “Tiffany-twisted” was included.
Oooooooooooh, that’s genius! How did I not get that?!
Originally Yuan-Tiffany. The tooltip text (yeah, I remembered to check it) suggests it’s been retconned into Yvonne-Tiffany, although that’s never been used in actual dialogue.
Are YOU going to call her Yvonne-Tiffany in conversation?
My hypothesis on why stone to flesh turned the fountain into hame is because, when used on stone that was not meat before, it turns it into a type of meat that differs based on the stone. In fact, it usually makes it into muscle, not flesh, which is why the fountain turned into ham
The difference between ham and human flesh is a matter of perspective. A lamia or a formian may not be as inclined to differentiate between the two as a more humanoid race.
Maybe, but Antropas ran a hotel. She’d need to know the preferences and taboos of her customers.
Oh, definitely, but there was no indication that she thought the ham was going to be served to the customers. Although I have to assume that most civilized races that come together to form a society would agree not to eat each other.
Antropas hasn’t been briefed on that agreement.
Y.T. probably hadn’t been either, prior to the artifact inverting her nature.
I figured as much, but didn’t have the evidence ready. Antropas was turning hotel patrons into zombies, so it’s clear that she didn’t have much regard for humanoid life, even if they were her patrons, and I’ll bet Y.T.’s colony didn’t think twice about eating humans before they were changed from evil snake monsters to probably pretty decent snake people. They still might be getting used to it, for all we know.
NPC in my next campaign: a geo-anatomist, casting flesh-to-stone on different rocks and documenting what they turn into.
He travels the countryside, taking rock samples from a range of locations and circumstances, looking for large-scale patterns.
He is accompanied on his travels by his loyal gourmet butcher, who has trained to identify a staggering range of meats, both by cut and by species.
“Further up the valley, the sandstone turned into hippogriff flank, but here it becomes hippogriff *rump*. Whatever could this mean?
That sounds awesome! Good luck with the GM’s machinations, and may the God of Natural 20s be on your side. Don’t forget to appease Lord Fumble, Holder of the Critical Fail.
The real question is what kind of meat you get from casting this on precious stones.
…. Huh. I already have a PC that does half of that. Geologist druid who travels the country sampling the earth and rock.
I know what spells I’ll make sure to use next >:)
Kinda with Boxworth on this one, mimic flesh is already known for taking on the characteristics of stone objects. would make sense for the reverse ,stone objects becoming mimic, to be a simpler path.
His name is Boxford, not Boxworth.
how can we be sure when mimic’s are shapeshifters? (also my bad)
That’sss ssspeciesssisssm, that is!
Yours Truly. Now she just needs a skateboard.
The fountain became ham purely for the marble well / well marbled pun.
The Law of Narrative Coincidence cannot be ignored or circumvented.